Attorney: "When are you supposed to use the straight quotes and when are you supposed to use those other, more curved quotes?"
Me: "What?"
Attorney: "A client took out the curved quotes on this document and put in the straight ones. I need to know when to use each one."
(Just to clear this up now--Yes, I do know they are called smart quotes. You correct an attorney who's just had their document changed by a client.)
Me: "Uhhh. Well. I'm not...
Attorney: "I know when you are doing inches or minutes you ...." (random mumbling that I didn't follow.)
I didn't know there was a difference in usage, much less what that difference was. Wasn't it more a matter of aesthetics and preference than a "rule"? And the PL/Biller who was standing there the entire time offered no input. Thanks. But she was clearly unhappy with her document being changed so I made something up.
Me: "I think you use the smart quotes when you are quoting someone as opposed to..."
Attorney: "That sounds right. I think that's right."
After doing research on this, I cannot find a difference. From what I can tell it is a matter of aesthetics and preference. Anyone know differently? Please tell me if there is, 'cause now I'd like to know. My English teachers would be so proud of me.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Useless post
I actually had a pretty good post going in my head at the end of last week, but then I realized the stories were way better to me and the biller than to anyone else. But, since they are pretty hilarious to me and the biller I just can't let them go to waste so...
Have you ever seen someone thrown from a chair? I have not, but based on how it feels to be thrown from a chair I would say it is a funny thing to watch.
It's not broken, nobody was nearby playing a joke on me, there is no logical answer for the sudden ejection that occured. The seat itself simply swung forward and downward throwing me forward and downward out of the chair. I believe my first response was to the Biller "Did you see that?"
Next.
PL/Biller was sick last week, sick enough to take a sick day Wednesday and half day Thursday. This is an unheard of event so I did not expect the usual attitude from the boss that other employees get after they call in saying "I think I'm getting a headache, I won't be in today", but I guess I was wrong.
Sometime Friday afternoon the boss calls Biller and says
"What are you doing?"
I informed the Biller that the correct answer would have been "Taking back Poland."
Have you ever seen someone thrown from a chair? I have not, but based on how it feels to be thrown from a chair I would say it is a funny thing to watch.
It's not broken, nobody was nearby playing a joke on me, there is no logical answer for the sudden ejection that occured. The seat itself simply swung forward and downward throwing me forward and downward out of the chair. I believe my first response was to the Biller "Did you see that?"
Next.
PL/Biller was sick last week, sick enough to take a sick day Wednesday and half day Thursday. This is an unheard of event so I did not expect the usual attitude from the boss that other employees get after they call in saying "I think I'm getting a headache, I won't be in today", but I guess I was wrong.
Sometime Friday afternoon the boss calls Biller and says
"What are you doing?"
I informed the Biller that the correct answer would have been "Taking back Poland."
Friday, March 9, 2007
I Make Stuff Up
Attorney: “On the receipt for Certified Mail, where do you put the Attention:? I know on the card it would be addressed exactly as on the letter, but it won’t fit in that place on the receipt.”
Me: “Yeah, on the receipt we just put it in the same box under the name of the company.”
I have no freaking idea if this is true or not, but it makes sense to me. Why don't you try asking the person who has been doing these for the last 6 months, as opposed to the person who hasn't done one in over 6 months. Is it because she is an idiot and didn't know what to do so she left that part off?
Attorney: “If you have a document that says 'attached is a copy of another document', do we stamp that document copy?”
Me: “Uhh, is it already marked as a copy in any other way? Is it marked as an exhibit or is it just attached?”
Attorney: “It’s just attached; I think we do mark it because no, it’s not marked in any other way and if we stamp it they won’t think we accidentally attached the original. It’s not an exhibit.”
Me: “Yeah, we stamp it.”
Seriously? You're the attorney. You're talking about filing a court document and you don't know? At least she had pretty much already answered that one.
This will only come back to bite my little behind if some Post Office Nazi decides to call and explain that the correct format is to attach a rider to the receipt and any idiot old enough to write should know that, or if the clerk’s office calls and tells her she is more of an idiot than the people working over there and how on earth could she possibly not know that she shouldn't have stamped that document.
Or if she gets mad at me. Like now.
About a month ago she calls me and says "Print out the docket sheet on this client." So I did. I put it on her desk with a note that said "Please review, per your request" and left it there.
Yesterday she brought it back to me with another note on it that said "Why did you print this, what did I want it for? I don't see your timeslip for the research so I don't know what to put in my timeslip for the review." Uhhh....
Frustrated because I could get my time machine working to go back and use my mind-reading skills to determine why I was printing the freaking docket sheet, I wrote a to-the-point, what-do-you-expect-of-me note:
"I don't know what you wanted the docket for, you never told me. However, if you cannot remember, I would say, logically and reasonably, that you probably wanted it to see if the subpoena was served on whoever, since that is the last entry and the only piece of information we did not already have."
I get it back.... "Oh, I remember now, it was to see what happened on the 2/12/07 court date, which is not shown on here. See if it has been updated and print out a new one."
Convenient. And then I spent the rest of the day avoiding her because I could not answer a question without eliciting the you-are-so-wrong-and-I-am-going-to-put-you-in-your-place response.
Me: “Yeah, on the receipt we just put it in the same box under the name of the company.”
I have no freaking idea if this is true or not, but it makes sense to me. Why don't you try asking the person who has been doing these for the last 6 months, as opposed to the person who hasn't done one in over 6 months. Is it because she is an idiot and didn't know what to do so she left that part off?
Attorney: “If you have a document that says 'attached is a copy of another document', do we stamp that document copy?”
Me: “Uhh, is it already marked as a copy in any other way? Is it marked as an exhibit or is it just attached?”
Attorney: “It’s just attached; I think we do mark it because no, it’s not marked in any other way and if we stamp it they won’t think we accidentally attached the original. It’s not an exhibit.”
Me: “Yeah, we stamp it.”
Seriously? You're the attorney. You're talking about filing a court document and you don't know? At least she had pretty much already answered that one.
This will only come back to bite my little behind if some Post Office Nazi decides to call and explain that the correct format is to attach a rider to the receipt and any idiot old enough to write should know that, or if the clerk’s office calls and tells her she is more of an idiot than the people working over there and how on earth could she possibly not know that she shouldn't have stamped that document.
Or if she gets mad at me. Like now.
About a month ago she calls me and says "Print out the docket sheet on this client." So I did. I put it on her desk with a note that said "Please review, per your request" and left it there.
Yesterday she brought it back to me with another note on it that said "Why did you print this, what did I want it for? I don't see your timeslip for the research so I don't know what to put in my timeslip for the review." Uhhh....
Frustrated because I could get my time machine working to go back and use my mind-reading skills to determine why I was printing the freaking docket sheet, I wrote a to-the-point, what-do-you-expect-of-me note:
"I don't know what you wanted the docket for, you never told me. However, if you cannot remember, I would say, logically and reasonably, that you probably wanted it to see if the subpoena was served on whoever, since that is the last entry and the only piece of information we did not already have."
I get it back.... "Oh, I remember now, it was to see what happened on the 2/12/07 court date, which is not shown on here. See if it has been updated and print out a new one."
Convenient. And then I spent the rest of the day avoiding her because I could not answer a question without eliciting the you-are-so-wrong-and-I-am-going-to-put-you-in-your-place response.
Thursday, March 1, 2007
Chain of events
1.) 
2.)
a night of hysterics.
3.)
Me: "You suck and can't do your job."
Sucky employee: "You just don't understand what it's like to constantly be interrupted all day long."
4.) 
Still.
5.)Must entertain myself or I will throw someone out the window....
The End.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Name that drawing
Okay. So the boss may have been out of the office today. Of course, the normal things that happens when a boss is out for a day, happened. What, the picture doesn't explain it all? We were cleaning. Alright, I agree that it does look a bit like a car with wings. Let me start off by saying that this drawing is not mine. In fact, the top of the picture was actually labeled as (insert billers name here)'s desk. I cannot list the name here, as this is an anonymous blog, but I assure you it is not mine. You see, I am not the only person in the office who constantly feels the need to rearrange my desk. However, after taking everything off of her desk, silly biller was feeling a bit overwhelmed and uncertain about how to rearrange everything. Thus the picture. I suggested drawing a diagram. At least something to giver her an idea of what to try when she goes back to the desk that she was avoiding (due to the mess--and I didn't blame her, it was pretty messy with everything off her desk and on the floor) That is actually a desk. With a hutch (the part that looks like windows on the side of a car--yeah, I know. I tried telling her it looked more like a car than a desk). And that thing that looks like a wing, it's not really a wing--that is a file holder that needs to stay where it is. I think the wheels came in a little before the wing (see, told you I tried to tell her it looked like a car). Though I am not sure about the part coming off the side. I think that is supposed to be the bottom part (the bottom of the L ) of the desk, even though it looks more like a part of the wall. My favorites are the phone and monitor. The monitor more so because she drew her background on her monitor. Can you guess what it is? Unless you know her personally, you will never guess (and even then, probably not), trust me on this. It's a unicorn. No, seriously. It's supposed to be a unicorn. (In her second drawing she did a little better--if she were trying to draw a donkey.)
So, I suppose this was the type of day I needed. Especially after Friday. Ahhh, Friday.... Good times...
Friday evening, after work...
I come home from work and my husband tells me that one of the ladies he works with asked him "Does your wife ever get mad? Because she seems like the type that is very hard to anger, but when she gets angry she'll really make you pay for it" (or something like that--actually I think her phrasing involved the words "knife" "stabbing" and "repeatedly"---jokingly, of course) Not really funny, yet, right? Keep reading...
Earlier that morning (approximately 8:00 a.m.)...
The attorney hands LS#1 a document to be done before her court appearance at 9:30. This document should take approximately 30 minutes, if it's complicated. 9:30 rolls around and the attorney has not even seen the first draft of the document so she tells me I will have to proofread it whenever LS#1 finally finishes it and have her bring it over to court. About this time I stand up and walk to the middle area between my desk and LS#1's desk and glance over just in time to see (of course) Windows Messenger. One of the problems with LS#1 is that if she is not using Windows Messenger to chat with her friends, she is chatting on MySpace(tm). I was furious. So furious, in fact, that I was shaking. She was just complaining that she had too much work to do. After the attorney leaves, I mention this fact out loud (that I am so mad I am actually shaking). Now LS#1 wants to know why. Was it because of her? Did she do something? To which I could only manage "You don't want me to answer that right now, just finish the document so we can get it to her." LS#1 stands up, and since she is the touchy feely type that is always finding some reason to hug or touch anyone in the office, I thought she was walking over to me to find out what's up and give me a hug. Without looking in her direction I told her "Just finish the document, we will talk about it later." She makes an annoyed noise and asks "Can't I get a cup of coffee?" I'm thinking "No. No time." But I can't tell her that, stupid laws, so instead I walk to her computer, save the document, grab the worksheet of the document and proceed to walk back to my desk to do it myself. Somewhere in here I finally tell her that I saw her chatting, which she denies at first until I remind her that I saw it, which prompts an attitude from her while she continuously asks me to let her finish it. I am so mad at this point I can only tell her no. I finish said document, print it on bond, and with an eery calmness that I am still amazed over, tell her to run it over to the attorney.
I think that about sums it up. But to explain some more, part of the reason I was so upset was because the day before PL/Biller and I listened to LS#1 complain about how busy she was and how she couldn't do all the work she had to do, and why were we making her run over to the courthouse (she actually asked the biller if she was crippled--now it is the Legal Secretary's job to run to the courthouse, Paralegals are not allowed unless they are going for research purposes--fairly new rule, within the last year or so), and I had to point out to her that what she had in front of her was a normal workload and that she has been extraordinarily slow up til now, but she should really get used to this. It really is a normal workload. Not busy. Just normal.
Yeah. Funny, funny times. (sigh)
Monday, February 12, 2007
The Reason Blonde Jokes Were Started, and also why you should not do drugs
Cognitive skills. Deductive reasoning.
I know people have different levels of these mental abilities, but seriously??
My boss' handwriting is really bad. Really. But after a while you get used to it, or at least get to a point where you can figure out the word you cannot read. Reading the sentence all the way through to figure out what word would fit there, or just knowing simple terms. The latter part is admittedly more difficult if you are new to a law office, but after a year one would think that the simpler terms would be known by now. So when LS#1 comes to me for translation, which is pretty regularly, I try to get her to figure out what it should be. This particular sentence read something like "...I need to prepare a Settlement Report...." The word in question here was report, and not having time to lead LS#1 to the answer I simply told her. She replied "Oh, well I thought it was the title of the document so I checked the file, but couldn't find anything." This got my attention.
I pointed out "First off--it is the title of a document and secondly, the sentence says 'I need to prepare'. As in it is not prepared yet. As in it won't be in the file"
I know people have different levels of these mental abilities, but seriously??
My boss' handwriting is really bad. Really. But after a while you get used to it, or at least get to a point where you can figure out the word you cannot read. Reading the sentence all the way through to figure out what word would fit there, or just knowing simple terms. The latter part is admittedly more difficult if you are new to a law office, but after a year one would think that the simpler terms would be known by now. So when LS#1 comes to me for translation, which is pretty regularly, I try to get her to figure out what it should be. This particular sentence read something like "...I need to prepare a Settlement Report...." The word in question here was report, and not having time to lead LS#1 to the answer I simply told her. She replied "Oh, well I thought it was the title of the document so I checked the file, but couldn't find anything." This got my attention.
I pointed out "First off--it is the title of a document and secondly, the sentence says 'I need to prepare'. As in it is not prepared yet. As in it won't be in the file"
A Note
For all of you attorneys out there, please notify the other attorney when you move a court date. And if you notify the other attorney before you go in to move the court date, they can attempt to be there so that when your office does not notify said other attorney that there is going to be a new date you do not have to blame them.
I think I will be sick tomorrow, as in preparation for this day it only seems that it will be a bad day... although, the jury trial case was settled so that did help some... maybe it won't be so bad. (Never laugh at a hopeful person)
I think I will be sick tomorrow, as in preparation for this day it only seems that it will be a bad day... although, the jury trial case was settled so that did help some... maybe it won't be so bad. (Never laugh at a hopeful person)
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