Name that drawing

Okay. So the boss may have been out of the office today. Of course, the normal things that happens when a boss is out for a day, happened. What, the picture doesn't explain it all? We were cleaning. Alright, I agree that it does look a bit like a car with wings. Let me start off by saying that this drawing is not mine. In fact, the top of the picture was actually labeled as (insert billers name here)'s desk. I cannot list the name here, as this is an anonymous blog, but I assure you it is not mine. You see, I am not the only person in the office who constantly feels the need to rearrange my desk. However, after taking everything off of her desk, silly biller was feeling a bit overwhelmed and uncertain about how to rearrange everything. Thus the picture. I suggested drawing a diagram. At least something to giver her an idea of what to try when she goes back to the desk that she was avoiding (due to the mess--and I didn't blame her, it was pretty messy with everything off her desk and on the floor) That is actually a desk. With a hutch (the part that looks like windows on the side of a car--yeah, I know. I tried telling her it looked more like a car than a desk). And that thing that looks like a wing, it's not really a wing--that is a file holder that needs to stay where it is. I think the wheels came in a little before the wing (see, told you I tried to tell her it looked like a car). Though I am not sure about the part coming off the side. I think that is supposed to be the bottom part (the bottom of the L ) of the desk, even though it looks more like a part of the wall. My favorites are the phone and monitor. The monitor more so because she drew her background on her monitor. Can you guess what it is? Unless you know her personally, you will never guess (and even then, probably not), trust me on this. It's a unicorn. No, seriously. It's supposed to be a unicorn. (In her second drawing she did a little better--if she were trying to draw a donkey.)
So, I suppose this was the type of day I needed. Especially after Friday. Ahhh, Friday.... Good times...
Friday evening, after work...
I come home from work and my husband tells me that one of the ladies he works with asked him "Does your wife ever get mad? Because she seems like the type that is very hard to anger, but when she gets angry she'll really make you pay for it" (or something like that--actually I think her phrasing involved the words "knife" "stabbing" and "repeatedly"---jokingly, of course) Not really funny, yet, right? Keep reading...
Earlier that morning (approximately 8:00 a.m.)...
The attorney hands LS#1 a document to be done before her court appearance at 9:30. This document should take approximately 30 minutes, if it's complicated. 9:30 rolls around and the attorney has not even seen the first draft of the document so she tells me I will have to proofread it whenever LS#1 finally finishes it and have her bring it over to court. About this time I stand up and walk to the middle area between my desk and LS#1's desk and glance over just in time to see (of course) Windows Messenger. One of the problems with LS#1 is that if she is not using Windows Messenger to chat with her friends, she is chatting on MySpace(tm). I was furious. So furious, in fact, that I was shaking. She was just complaining that she had too much work to do. After the attorney leaves, I mention this fact out loud (that I am so mad I am actually shaking). Now LS#1 wants to know why. Was it because of her? Did she do something? To which I could only manage "You don't want me to answer that right now, just finish the document so we can get it to her." LS#1 stands up, and since she is the touchy feely type that is always finding some reason to hug or touch anyone in the office, I thought she was walking over to me to find out what's up and give me a hug. Without looking in her direction I told her "Just finish the document, we will talk about it later." She makes an annoyed noise and asks "Can't I get a cup of coffee?" I'm thinking "No. No time." But I can't tell her that, stupid laws, so instead I walk to her computer, save the document, grab the worksheet of the document and proceed to walk back to my desk to do it myself. Somewhere in here I finally tell her that I saw her chatting, which she denies at first until I remind her that I saw it, which prompts an attitude from her while she continuously asks me to let her finish it. I am so mad at this point I can only tell her no. I finish said document, print it on bond, and with an eery calmness that I am still amazed over, tell her to run it over to the attorney.

I think that about sums it up. But to explain some more, part of the reason I was so upset was because the day before PL/Biller and I listened to LS#1 complain about how busy she was and how she couldn't do all the work she had to do, and why were we making her run over to the courthouse (she actually asked the biller if she was crippled--now it is the Legal Secretary's job to run to the courthouse, Paralegals are not allowed unless they are going for research purposes--fairly new rule, within the last year or so), and I had to point out to her that what she had in front of her was a normal workload and that she has been extraordinarily slow up til now, but she should really get used to this. It really is a normal workload. Not busy. Just normal.
Yeah. Funny, funny times. (sigh)

The Reason Blonde Jokes Were Started, and also why you should not do drugs

Cognitive skills. Deductive reasoning.
I know people have different levels of these mental abilities, but seriously??

My boss' handwriting is really bad. Really. But after a while you get used to it, or at least get to a point where you can figure out the word you cannot read. Reading the sentence all the way through to figure out what word would fit there, or just knowing simple terms. The latter part is admittedly more difficult if you are new to a law office, but after a year one would think that the simpler terms would be known by now. So when LS#1 comes to me for translation, which is pretty regularly, I try to get her to figure out what it should be. This particular sentence read something like "...I need to prepare a Settlement Report...." The word in question here was report, and not having time to lead LS#1 to the answer I simply told her. She replied "Oh, well I thought it was the title of the document so I checked the file, but couldn't find anything." This got my attention.

I pointed out "First off--it is the title of a document and secondly, the sentence says 'I need to prepare'. As in it is not prepared yet. As in it won't be in the file"

A Note

For all of you attorneys out there, please notify the other attorney when you move a court date. And if you notify the other attorney before you go in to move the court date, they can attempt to be there so that when your office does not notify said other attorney that there is going to be a new date you do not have to blame them.

I think I will be sick tomorrow, as in preparation for this day it only seems that it will be a bad day... although, the jury trial case was settled so that did help some... maybe it won't be so bad. (Never laugh at a hopeful person)

Common Sense, or the lack thereof

Yesterday, LS#2 took some documents over to the Circuit Clerk's Office. Three sets to be exact, and while there were problems with all of them when she returned, that is not what actually inspired this post.

We have several this-is-how-it-is-no-exceptions rules in this office. The one that you need to know here is "the attorney checks everything before it is taken to the Circuit Clerk's Office" (actually, before we take documents anywhere--but that is where LS#2 was going on this particular outing.) Let me just point out that she did follow the rules, if you are one of those technical types. She did bring the docs in to the attorney, but the attorney was on the phone. She flipped through them then handed them back to LS#2 who proceeded to run her little errand (incorrectly as it was).
That evening after everyone else had left for the day the attorney said to me "perhaps we should make it clear that the staff is not to give me the documents while I am on the phone." To which I thought "duh" (meaning that we don't give her documents while she is on the phone--not that I thought we needed to tell people. Seriously? You have to tell people that?) Anyway--fast forward to today:

As LS#2 is preparing all three sets of documents again for her return trip, LS#1 and PL/Biller are in the general vicinity so I decide now is a great time to start informing of the new "don't try to show attorney documents when on the phone" rule. So I state the same, as PL/Biller is walking into the attorney's office to grab the calendar. She quickly walks out of attorney's office and inquires what I just said (slightly concerned because apparently all she heard was "no" and "when attorney is on the phone" and she thought I said not to go in her office at all when she was on the phone.) I figure that, since LS#2 is still standing nearby, it couldn't hurt for her to hear it again since I am certain her name only contains a few letters because if it were any longer she would probably forget it, so I reiterate what I had just said, and without missing a beat PL/Biller replies "Isn't that just common sense."
Now, as is usual, LS#2 automatically gets defensive and spews forth excuses like a kid that didn't do his homework and PL/Biller realizes that this was an actual problem and the person standing next to her was the offending party. She simply turns and walks down the hall, turning halfway to mouth her apologies. Of course, I cannot look up; after all she did voice my thoughts exactly and I am already trying to hold it together and if I look up I will have to try even harder to not laugh.

And as I walk into her office for the "that was inappropriate" talk, she is already profously apologizing and we both are now wondering the same thing:

When LS#2 finally decides to do it, which one of us is going down first?

To be, or not to be, Evil

Yes. I am back to mean me.. This, ironically, does coincide with the employee who thinks I am evil going off of her antidepressants again. Shocker.

Wait, good me again. This morning she apologized.... MAKE UP YOUR MIND!

And we lost an employee. Unfortunately it was one of the ones we wanted to keep. I am doing my job, her job, and the babysitting job I keep thinking will end eventually (is that laughter I hear?)

As I try to figure how on earth I am possibly to manage this task, my mind went a little haywire yesterday and I was temporarily blinded by a full strength migraine.
Hooray for work!

And by the way Miss I Got A New Job--She has me billing. BILLING! On top of the ones you started that she has started giving back, she's given me several small estates to bill this week. And a new case from ML/BM. Oh, and I still can't give up ticklers or calendar because nobody else can handle it (and by nobody else, I mean the two LS's as the other PL is billing and can't be pulled from that.) And I thought you would find this funny:
I get a call at 9:00 a.m. Saturday morning--"I started my computer but the Ctrl Alt Del won't work; it's completely frozen. I shut down my computer, then shut down the server but I don't have the password to get back in. Give me a call." So I explained to her that for some unknown reason, when it is cold the left Ctrl Alt does not work--she tried the right and it did. Still baffled on that, but the slight panic in her voice was temporarily amusing.

Also--Miss I Got A New Job--the other PL and I want to know how things work out for you so feel free to post here!

I Certified Copy

The biller calls legal secretary #2 and asks her to fix a timeslip which currently reads “Trip by legal secretary to (clerk’s office) to file obtain 2 certified copies of (document) and I certified copy of (another document)”

Several things are wrong with this to begin with, but it gets even better than those errors. First off-- to file obtain??? I am not sure how to file obtain something but she was PICKING UP these documents. The biller also mentioned that the I in the I certified copy portion should be 1 (as in the number, not the pronoun). After these issues were all supposedly fixed the biller went back into the timeslip to double check.

Timeslip then reads “Trip by legal secretary to (clerk’s office) to pick up 1 certified copies of (document) and 1 certified copy of (another document)”

She fixed the “pick up”; changed 2 to 1 in the first certified but left copies plural; and changed the I to a 1.

Biller calls LS#2 back and says “How many certified copies of (first document) did you pick up?”

LS#2 says "I don't know, let me check. 2. Yes, 2."

"Then why did you just change it to 1?" says the biller.

"Because you told me to!" exclaims LS#2 (and yes, at this point I am standing in the hallway laughing.)

"No, I told you to change the I to a 1 if that is what you picked up. I never told you to change the other document. You need to make sure the numbers match what you picked up." the biller replies. (Okay--so I am not good at this kind of story-telling, you still get the point.)

LS#2: "Okay, I'll fix it."

They hang up and a couple minutes later the biller pokes her head down the hall and waves frantically for me to come down there (this happens alot in a normal day.) Did you guess what she wanted? That's right--LS#2 did not change the timeslip. I told her she needed to find out why she did not change it. So she calls her again. "Did you change that timeslip, I am trying to finish the bill."

LS#2: "Yes, it's fine now."

Biller (with the head-about-to-spin-around-360-degrees-look): "I'm looking at the timeslip and it still says 1."

After a couple of minutes of arguing about whether or not the timeslip was fixed, the biller finally gets up, goes to LS#2's desk and asks to see her computer. And here's the clincher; the absolute only proof you will ever need to drive home the fact that you should never-NEVER-do drugs....
LS#2 shows the biller a paper copy of the timeslip she printed out yesterday. YESTERDAY. She printed out the timeslip for the attorney to double check, and she was looking at that. Not the computer to see what the timeslip looked like now. YESTERDAYS PAPER COPY. OMG. Help me!